Rhi Axtell – Writer

After days of being trapped inside by rainstorms, the sun appeared on Monday and softly suggested that Spring might be on its way*. It was the perfect day to get out of the house, travel to the seafront in Penarth, and talk about death.

*and then proceeded to batter everyone with an icy cold wind. Maybe Spring is still a little ways off.

And that’s exactly what I did. On Monday, I attended a Death Cafe in a hospice in Penarth. It was a small gathering – there were only five of us in total – but we managed to cover all sorts of topics ranging from the metaphysics of the universe, to capitalism in the funeral industry, to what it is like to sit with someone as they pass away.

Death Cafes are safe spaces to talk about death. Their objective, which I have taken from their website, is:

‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’.

The Death Cafe I attended was hosted by an end of life Doula, a very kind person named Lisa, who held the space with practiced ease. It was a strange, and sometimes emotional experience. To sit with strangers and talk so openly about death was surprisingly powerful. We all brought our own stories. Hearing other people talk so openly about it, about their loss of family members, friends, co-workers, or even their own death, was freeing. It was like someone opened a door and we all walked through it.

I attended because there has been a lot of death in my family recently and I felt I needed to talk about it with people who understood. It wasn’t that I was looking for therapy – Death Cafes are not spaces for counselling or therapy – but more of a safe space where I wouldn’t have to worry about upsetting anyone by talking about it.

I encourage everyone to give it a go if you’re interested. Death Cafes are held regularly all over the world, and even online. They are always free and you often get a free tea/coffee out of it too.

See you next time.