Richard Axtell – Writer

Imagine you are a shrew.

(I’d ask you to close your eyes, but then you couldn’t read this blog).

You are small. Small means about 15 cm in length. You weigh about 60 grams. Maybe a few more because it is winter, but we aren’t judging because shrews don’t care about weight. You have a slender snout with a little pink nose on the end. You are fluffy. Your grey fur is quite dense. And you are, of course, adorable. That goes without saying.

You are wandering around the tropical rainforest undergrowth, somewhere in the Congo Basin of Africa. You are minding your own shrew business. You are very shrewd with your time (ha ha). You are looking for a snack – an insect. Maybe a small lizard, if you’re desperate. But you’re not desperate. You are a shrew.

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OUT OF NOWHERE A FOOT COMES DOWN FROM THE SKY AND STEPS ON YOU. YOU BRACE YOUR TINY SHREW BODY FOR THE CRUNCH.

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Didn’t expect that did you? I am sorry for the jump scare.

But no worries, because you are not an ordinary shrew. You are a HERO SHREW also known as the ARMOURED SHREW. You have the STRONGEST SPINE EVER and can bear a weight of up to 72kg (and look adorable doing it).

The human equivalent of this is someone holding a space shuttle on their back. Isn’t that wild?

And that is why you are really cool, my hero shrew friend. Remember that. You are a cool and adorable shrew.

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(But weasels are obviously my favourite animal. My blog is literally named after them).