Rhi Axtell – Writer

I’m talking about death again. I guess I’m stuck on this topic for the moment.

When my granddad was sent to ‘The Woodlands’ – an end-of-life care home – and left his house for the final time, my mother and her sister were responsible for gathering up his life. In their gathering (and cleaning, and sorting, and moving, and reminiscing), they discovered a word document on his computer titled FOR WHEN I DIE.

In this file, he had included locations of important information, his will, tax documents, bank details, and he had also included a detailed plan on his funeral, from start to finish. Granddad wrote what readings he wanted, what music he wanted played, where he wanted the service to happen and that he wanted to be cremated.

Granddad was incredibly organised. He did not mess around.

I was discussing the file with Julie this morning. Should we make our own files? What do we want at our funeral? We went back and forth on it. We could see how a file like this might make it easier ‘at the end’, but funerals are for the living to grieve and remember the deceased. Surely they deserve some space to make your funeral their own? A place to share their stories about you?

So I’m making a file, but with a light touch. For example, I know one song I want played at my funeral – Waiting for my real life to begin by Colin Hay. Not only does it appeal to me in a sort of morbid, tongue-in-cheek way, but it is also taken from one of my favourite scenes from the TV show Scrubs.

In this scene, JD, the main character and trainee doctor, has met a woman with a heart condition. Through the episode, we see her approaching her inevitable death with ease and understanding. At one point, JD asks her what she thinks death will be like and she replies that she thinks it is like a big, final musical number. JD, taking the opposite route, doesn’t think she will die and remains optimistic until (spoiler alert) the final, heartbreaking scene when he runs to her room just in time to see her pass. Then this happens:

It’s such a touching moment, displaying the loss of this funny, upbeat character in a beautiful way. With every character in the show singing a line of the song as a way to show how death can affect lots of people all around you, in its own little way.

I hope that when I go, it’s a big musical number. But I’ll take a small song too, played at my funeral. I’d love to give space for people to sing about me too.

See you next time.