Rhi Axtell – Writer

It’s cold. My mind is tired from a day at work. I’m tucked into the corner of a coffee shop, waiting for my wife to finish at work so we can walk home together. The journey is a lot nicer when I can hold her hand when we walk.

We’ve reached that time of year where I notice lights a lot more. With rapidly darkening skies, this coffee shop seems like a little cosy beacon in the dark grey of outside. On the table next to me, a cup of cherry-coloured tea steams.

The last week has felt like a week of division. Even though I’m not in the US, the whole world has felt the impact from the recent election. I can’t look at social media with seeing photos of my American friends crying, their words a desperate call for support. I can’t flick through my feeds without stumbling into the middle of fights, words thrown back and forth. I don’t think much has actually changed from a few days earlier, but at the same time everything feels different. Everything feels a little more raw, like a scab picked until it starts bleeding again. Like stitches torn.

In my counselling studies, one of the things they try to teach us is to be non-judgemental. After all, as a counsellor someone could ask for support whose values contradict your own. But there is a flip-side to this: looking after yourself. It’s recognising that you cannot work with someone because of the level of toxicity they bring. Knowing that you are not the right person to support them. Knowing that you cannot ‘be on their team’.

It’s hard not to judge in a culture that is built around judgement. This is made even more difficult with mis- and disinformation being thrown about like it is truth.

In all of this murkiness, I did see one post on social media that caught my attention, by the actor Erika Ishii. This is a small quote from that post:

I was once told in the face of feeling overwhelmed, to just pick 30 people to give care to, and then hopefully they would have more energy to care for their own chosen people, and on and on…

… but start with 5 people. Or just yourself. Please take care of yourself, because that is the most important resource you can manage.

– Erika Ishii, 2024

So today, that’s what I’m doing. I’ve got a hot cup of tea and magical lights. I’m putting the rest aside for now.

Look after yourself and I’ll see you next time.